


In My Arms

by kangelique



Series: The Captain Swan Playlist [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Dark One Emma Swan, Deleted Scene, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, F/M, Gen, Kisses, Lyrics incorporated into writing, based on season 5 episode 2, demons and battle against the darkness, in camelot, inspired by a song, tender moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 02:06:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18400949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kangelique/pseuds/kangelique
Summary: Emma is slowly beginning to lose herself to the voices in her head, and Killian is in a silent distress trying to help her come back to him. One night of passion isn't enough to make her forget the demons that haunt her, but Killian is determined to show her through eloquent words and intimacy how they are and forever will be in this together.(Based on the song "In My Arms" by Will Killen, and would happen after Emma uses her dark magic to save Robin Hood)





	In My Arms

**Author's Note:**

> (Sort of, kind of) the rules of this series: 1-They have to be either a deleted scene, but I'm sure I'll break my own rule anyway...and 2-Whatever I write must be inspired by a song that I feel (and hopefully you guys feel to) relates to Captain Swan.

**In My Arms:**

 

The moon's brilliant white light poured onto the stone steps he climbed, serving as an illuminant of sorts on his way up. The space was unpleasantly narrow for his tastes as he carefully balanced the tray between his hand and hook, but truth be told his mind was everywhere worried but his footing. This time he didn't even stop for a moment to relish in the silence brought forth by another day come to an end- it was something to be cherished when the inhabitants and entire atmosphere of this castle appeared to never rest, to always have some type of movement going about despite the stars having long since settled in the inky blue that belonged to Camelot's night.

 

Perhaps he also missed the quaint little town that was Storybrooke, and wished to grab the wrists of time to return right back to the quiet moments he and Emma had shared in those six blissful weeks of peace before...an author was discovered, a darkness unleashed, a sacrifice made. Here it didn't allow room for much contentment when secrets had to be kept and they were all consumed - _his Swan_ was consumed-by their need to break Merlin free from that tree as quickly as possible. 

 

The night was all they had. And it still didn't feel like enough.

 

Killian didn't feel like he was doing enough for his Swan when the pull of sleep inevitably took him and he could no longer be there awake to aid Emma's affliction, even if she insisted it was alright, that he could sleep, that she would be okay.

 

He remembered his own demons well enough, and though Emma was stronger than he had ever been in all his three hundred years of living, that struggle was not something she should have to face alone,  _that evil_ was not something she should have to brave on her own. She didn't have to. But at times he witnessed her get distracted by the voice in her head, and though normally his cupping her cheek or his saying her name would bring her back, she was growing more and more restless and that agitation transformed more prominent at night where she did her best to hide it from him, give the illusion that it wasn't eating her away or attacking her at her weakest with a small assuring nod or gentle squeeze of his hand in the dark. 

 

Killian hated it. Hated that he couldn't do more, hated being so powerless against this foe that was continuously hurting the woman he loves. His light. 

 

Killian finally arrived and stood in front of the door for a few moments trying to collect his anxious thoughts, trying to tamp down this prickling fear that he would lose her. Lose her to the darkness forever. 

 

He couldn't. He just simply couldn't. Not Emma. Deep in his heart he knew he would never recover if he did. But he'd also never stop fighting for her, for them, for the future he saw so clearly now. 

 

He knocked softly on the wood. "Can I come in, love?"

 

"It's your room too, you know," Emma replied pointedly when he entered, sending a small smile that he countered with a smile of his own.

 

"Aye, but," he closed the door gently behind him and turned to face her, the same smile converting into a wicked grin. "I doubt your father is very much happy with our dear king's apparent lack of another room -much to the luck of you and I- and I am nothing, if not a gentleman."

 

Emma rolled her eyes. "True." and watched him come forth to set the tray on the nightstand. "Regina tells me it was Guinevere who decided who was sleeping where, and they said something about you courting me or whatever. I'm not gonna bother correcting them, are you?" she threw him a playful smirk.

 

For a moment this felt normal; he could almost forget her eyes were clouded heavily by something else when they lit upon seeing the grilled cheese he bestowed. 

 

He came to kneel in front of her to take her hand where it rested eerily calm on her thigh, and gazed up at her angelic face shed in the moonlight's glow. "I don't believe our courting days are over, love, for I firmly believe these 'dates' we've had are never-ending," he kissed the top of her hand and she smiled softly down at him. 

 

"Being here brings out the Shakespeare in you."

 

Emma had never been a closed book to him -not even from the start when she was only supposed to be a passing stranger and not come to mean this much to him. He could still read her pages, and right now they tried to hide the tale of someone ill at ease. 

 

"On the contrary, darling, it's you that possess the raw power to make me spin poetry."

 

Emma laughed that twinkling laugh that never failed to make him warm inside; it resonated a careless, free sound that he'd heard only ever let out when the young lad said something in particularly amusing, or in the private hours they'd spend aboard the Jolly Roger secured in his embrace whispering of everything and nothing. That same laugh appeared now, and despite the underlying shadow craving to take control of all that belonged to Emma, he still cherished that laugh and saved them along with the many others he'd managed to elicit. 

 

"Wow, you really HAVE fallen hard for me," she teased. He grinned widely in response and out of pure reflex because he'd realized the depth of his falling long, long ago. While her fingers gently brushed through the hair at the nape of his neck, Killian let his eyes close for a moment to absorb the feeling of her touch. When he opened his eyes again, he found her gaze astray out the window, looking beyond the outside and instead immersed in fighting the voice in her head if the frown pulling at the corner of her lips was any indication.

 

"Hey," he whispered, and Emma blinked, a slight furrow in her brow that he immediately wanted to smooth with his thumb. She attempted to smile reassuringly, but the facade lasted short and a sort of remorse took over her expression. "Hey," he gave her a small smile of encouragement and ran his hand soothingly up her arm when a mist shone in her emeralds. "Talk to me, love. Don't pretend with me."

 

He'd walked through so many of her walls. He'd heard her through so many of her walls. And he'd stood patiently behind closed doors wondering if it was a dream when she finally let him in. 

 

The truth is he'd do it all again. Not knowing how it ended, he'd do it all again.

 

But he also didn't want her to retrace those steps. Killian wanted to hold onto those milestones, hold onto her and every barrier he'd managed to break down because he knew how it ended, and it ended with her.

 

The freshly made hot grilled cheese sandwich waited on the silver plate, and Emma's eyes briefly glanced at it before returning back to him with a clearer self-reproach that only dismayed him further. Just as he was about to press slightly and once more inquire what was wrong, she said, "I'm fine, I did just need rest. Robin's okay now?"

 

"Aye," he sighed and stood up. Her hand dropped back to her lap with a light thump. Surprise flickered through her face so fast when he offered her his hand with a firm nod that you could almost say it hadn't registered there at all. She didn't hesitate to slip her hand into his, and for that he was grateful -to know these affections still came easy despite her raging demons. Killian pulled her up and Emma let him lead her to the bed they shared without a word. He opened the drapes to one side with his hook and motioned for her to go in first. He sat down after, adjusting his back against the headboard. 

 

The silence that stretched wasn't a strained one. They both became thoughtful, clinging to their own worries and quiet 'What if' 's  neither spoke out loud. Killian held back in closing this offensive distance despite the arms that ached to gather her to his chest and shush the fears that screamed so piercing suddenly between them. He allowed her whatever time she needed to collect herself, for perhaps he also needed that time to calm his own anxious waters.

 

There was spaces where he felt he was losing her to the darkness, and it was more frightening to witness her downfall than remembering his own giving in to the pain and constant torment. Admittedly, it scared him to see her change so distinctly; it wasn't the evil itself that scared him, but already her voice, her face, her body, spoke of a difference.

 

Was this how Liam would have felt if he'd lived long enough to see the man he became?

 

"Killian..."

 

"Yes, sweetheart?"

 

Emma turned and climbed into his lap. He opened his arms for her without hesitation, his instinct to always hold her close propelling his movements. Wordlessly, his left arm wrapped around her waist, careful to not rip any of the silky fabric that composed her angelic white dress with the sharp tip of his hook. Her head dropped tiredly to his shoulder and one hand slowly slid down to rest on the spot where his heart beat an uneven rhythm. Killian sighed when she buried her face into the side of his neck and then pulled back to press the softest of kisses to his skin, her own means of giving comfort when words failed them both. His hand cupped her cheek then, and his thumb traced the ghost of a smile on her lips, barely there as she closed her eyes and melted into his caresses. 

 

Just like that, the distance was closed.

 

They stay like this for a very long time. In their embrace, the seconds seemed to have stopped their ticking, the minutes having halted as he held her protectively against his chest, cradling her like a child, as if somehow by doing this he could keep the darkness at bay and fend off the demons with the love he felt for her so keenly. Hours appeared to have never passed in this small needed eternity, but logically Killian knew it had only been a few minutes at best. 

 

Not much had changed, except that he held on a little tighter. With the warmth of her body and the soft breathing expelling like an alleviate to each and every one of his aches, Killian took it as an assurance that he need not fear there would ever be a last time. Not when he would awaken tomorrow and find her still gathered in the security of his arms. 

 

"I'm sorry," Emma whispered suddenly.

 

He shook his head and whispered back just as quietly, "Whatever for, love?"

 

"For worrying you. And Henry. And everyone. Sometimes he just won't shut up, he won't leave me alone, and that's why..." Emma's hand gripped the lapel of his coat while the other hand cupped his cheek, her thumb brushing ever so gently over the scar he had there; a remnant from the past he had not shared yet. He turned and pressed a small kiss to her palm. She smiled, and he smiled unsteadily in return, trying for all he could be her anchor at a time when Emma felt she was being swept up by an insanity and almost madness. "And that's why I was so happy to see you, so relieved," she breathed and then released a watery laugh much to his perplexity. "When I told you that I loved you back in Storybrooke, I realized I should have admitted it sooner. I shouldn't have waited so long, but I was just too scared. Too scared that saying it out loud would make it real." His forehead fell to hers in understanding, and they both closed their eyes for a moment, simply savoring right now. "I ruined it, and we don't even know when we're going to get another peaceful moment in time like that."

 

Killian knew what peaceful moment in time she was referring to, but his brows still knitted and shushed her, "No, Swan. There's no room for regrets." He pulled back  so that she could see his eyes when he said, "Look at me, Emma. It doesn't matter to me  _where_ you say it, whether that be in the center of raging winds or the pouring rain. And do you know why, love? Because it doesn't change the most important part. That you love me, and that I love you." Her gaze became soft and her lips opened to say something, but he persisted on, wanting no doubt in her mind to remain that he didn't care for the time and location in which those three precious words were uttered. Only that he cared about the fact that they were uttered at all. "The moment in which we say that needn't be perfect, love. We both know we didn't fall in love under the flawless of circumstances."

 

Emma grinned. "So perfect's overrated, huh?"

 

"Aye."

 

She sat up then, knees on either side of his legs. The grin faded from her face and she sobered when she placed both hands on his chest and leaned forward to whisper, "Make love to me, then. Make love to me, Killian," she cupped his face, lips hovering above his. 

 

"How I long to do that, Emma," he sighed.

 

"Then do it."

 

Killian's jaw clenched. It was so tempting. His eyes searched hers as she'd done so many times before, looking to find that it was her. Indeed just the two of them tonight. 

 

"He's gone, I promise," Emma said, understanding dawning over her voice. Those beautiful green eyes never wavered from his in the silence that accompanied his decision.

 

"You're trusting me with your burden?" His hand slid slowly up her back; she shivered. He froze once his fingers reached the strings that tied it all together, waiting for her response.

 

"Yes," she nodded.

 

With that, Killian surged forward at the same time she did. Their mouths crashed together hungrily, lips meeting passionately and with an intense desire that ignited his entire body afire. The strings of her dress were all but forgotten in that second as her arms wrapped around his neck and one of his arms snaked around her waist to hold her onto him, unwilling to let her go now that she dipped her tongue into his mouth again and again. She ramped him up with each kiss she stole, not allowing him to deepen it, only fueling the growing flames until finally he could feel nothing but the hot need for her. He growled when she pulled back, and she smirked when she began undoing the buttons of his vest and then trying to hastily remove his large and long coat.

 

"Need help?" he chuckled. 

 

She responded by abruptly pressing down on the already hard length concealed by his black leather pants, and  _bloody hell_. That was it. He suddenly sat up straighter and Emma instantly locked her legs around his waist, holding onto him as the last button popped and their positions switched in one quick blur. A giggle that escaped swiftly turned into a moan when he swallowed it up, plunging his tongue into her mouth unexpectedly as her legs fell and she arched upwards instead. Killian released her for just enough time to remove his coat and vest and fling them carelessly to the floor before she impatiently pulled him to her again, kissing him amorously. Her hands slipped through his dark locks, fingers sifting in that familiar practice as they both gave into the beautiful sound of their breath intermingling and a heavy panting kindled by being left breathless in each other. 

 

Following that, his black undershirt was extracted and tossed somewhere behind him. Everything about Emma radiated desire in the way she touched him, hands lovingly running down his chest hair, taking her time to trace all the scars and marks that held all the stories of another life. Her eyes met his and reflected back at him was love. She smiled shyly as he gently tucked a golden curl behind her ear. He'd learned this of her: the many sides she had, some certain sides she didn't let the world see. She was layered, and with each new layer exposed, each new layer explored, he found more of her he wanted to adore.

 

"What?" Emma asked curiously, her swollen lips blooming the smile wider.

 

"You're beautiful is all."

 

A light blush blossomed on her cheeks and he grinned, basking in the effect his confessions undoubtedly had on her. 

 

Suddenly every previous urging thought to hurry, to have her  _now_ , died down to something much slower, much sweeter. He got lost in that as he captured her lips once more and then began kissing along her jaw, down her neck, and stopping at that particular soft spot he knew was her favorite when his mouth latched onto the skin and sucked. She sighed, tilting her head back to allow him more access. Greedily, he accepted the invitation, and when he bit down a little too hard, Emma gasped but gripped his shoulders, the hand curling around his neck permitting him to continue. Killian took care to soothe the bite with his tongue, and all the while as his hand crept up her thigh underneath the dress, she undid his belt and finally set it free, dropping it to the floor.

 

Her eyes closed as he nuzzled his nose into the crook of he neck for a moment, just breathing her in. "Killian..."

 

"Aye, love?" Her already weak breath hitched at the words said against her skin.

 

"The dress."

 

"As you wish."

 

He obeyed her silent plea by turning her around and beginning to undo every tied knot until he reached the bottom. It was a slow work in progress, but finally her back was bare before him and though he'd seen it half a thousand times and his eyes had roamed it appreciatively half a thousand times, this time it was different. This time he was able to whisper  _I love you_ in her ear without the fear that he would scare her off. This time the words fell naturally from her lips too, whether she was conscious of it or not. Glazed over by wanting to show the other their affection, Killian ceased his thinking and went onward with enabling the love he felt for her spark how he memorized her, how his hand slid down her naked back once the dress was entirely removed and she was flush against his chest delivering kisses like honey. Her hands traveled up the arms that held her in an almost butterfly touch, teasing and baiting him on further with each light fingertip that danced its way up his skin until she gripped the hair at his nape.

 

Slowly, he lowered her down onto the softness of the mattress and lingered above her for a moment to admire the fanning of her golden hair, the apple of her cheeks, the heavy panting that mirrored his own in the most gratifying sound, and then the breaking of red over her exposed collarbone as he continued to stare in amazement.

 

This was meant to be.

 

When he viewed her like this, draped in the moonlight that made her creamy skin shine as if composed by a million glistening diamonds, her face half cast in shadow and in light, he knew this was meant to be. There was no doubt, the belief that she was his happy ending only growing stronger and firmer with each ardent collision of their tongues and each half crescent mark that her nails left as memoirs on his back. Emma arched herself up as her legs opened for him, ready to be taken, frustated as she always was, ever the impatient one between the two. But despite that impatience, she allowed him to initiate a path down the valley of her breasts, sighing in pleasure to his attentions when he placed hot kisses into the inner most of her thighs, climbing all the way up to her waiting heat. Here she shuddered in anticipation, and he made sure to commit to memory how she trembled in effect to his ministrations that riled her up higher and higher until she finally demanded he fill her up.

 

Killian did so as she requested after one more fiery kiss that left her chasing for contact. He granted it, unable to stall the release they were both seeking any longer, lining himself up at her entrance when his pants had been kicked away and thrusting in so deep that her face was a silent mixture of anguish and utter delight. He caught the moan that spilled from her lips, devouring her fully, like a man in a desert desperate for his water as her walls squeezed him tight, pulling him in further with each sway of his hips he made to rock inside her. He set a pace then, pulling out slowly, oh so very slowly, and then suddenly diving in again, building her up until she couldn't anymore and his name was whispered as a sigh and in between a gasp repeatedly. She writhed underneath him, panting hard while his heart raced like the galloping of a horse, their bodies falling into a well known dance though they'd just entered a new step and were trying to find their footing. 

 

He studied her everything, committing to recollection every sound she made, how she looked covered in sweat and on the edge of her bliss, the way she clung to him as he continued to rock harder above her, both of them enveloped in this hazy cloud of lust and raw passion that quivered at their intensity.

 

"Let go, Emma," he said when their eyes opened and met. She smiled the smile that was reserved only for him and cupped his face, bringing his lips down to hers for a surprisingly sweet kiss in the middle all of this fire. Right then and there, she was his Emma again, the one untouched by the darkness, the one who'd revealed those three little words in a caress aboard the Jolly Roger whether they'd been left unspoken then, and whether or not she was aware of the depth of her feelings for him then. 

 

A secret that was no more.

 

"My love..." he breathed and hit  _that_ particular spot that sent her over the brim. Her entire body trembled with the sensation of finally having reached her peak, and her scream was quickly swallowed up by another ardent kiss that left them both incredibly breathless and desperately grasping for air. Her fingernails dug painfully into his skin as his seed finally spilled, but he withstood that in favor of watching her expression as she exploded, needing to remember every single second, needing to remember the happy sigh she emitted afterwards when he collapsed on top of her and buried his face into her sweat-soaked neck.

 

Killian was mindful to maintain his weight so as not to crush his Swan as they stayed there for a few minutes longer, just feeling the other as close as could be possible with no barriers of clothing, no walls, no darkness. There was only him slowly softening inside her, her hand running gently through the wet locks of his hair, the quiet listening to each other's heartbeats as they too slowed down to its formerly regular and even pace. Emma caressed his cheek and leaned slightly forward to place a small warm and tender kiss to the scar there; he smiled into her neck.

 

Eventually they turned to lay on their side, Killian's arms encasing her waist the second her naked back was to him. He couldn't help the tight hold on her then, or the nuzzling of his nose into her golden strands that spoke of more than just mere affection and care. He just couldn't. 

 

"It's okay," she assured in the stillness of the air and the night that he wished wouldn't bring the dawn so soon. She covered her hand over his and out of pure instinct, they interlaced together. He shifted, and she took the opportunity to press herself closer to his chest, her body naturally curling to fit his in sync as he threw the comforter over them both. "I'm not going anywhere."

 

Killian's whole body sighed in defeat at that, his eyes screwed shut in self-detest for not hiding this better. For not controlling his fears in front of her. He was supposed to be strong, he  _needed_ to be strong for her in this combat with the voices in her head. "I know, darling, I know."

 

"Goodnight, Killian."  
  


But she wouldn't sleep. The in and out of her breath he'd fallen asleep to many times before, content in hearing how she slowly gave  into the land of dreams, wouldn't come. He suddenly didn't have it in him to get frustated about that, about the weight she was carrying that almost seemed to consume her whole. Instead his arms tightened and he rested his chin on her shoulder, planting a sweet kiss to the corner of her mouth that made her lips twitch up.

 

"Goodnight."

 

She would stay up, listening to how he slowly gave into the land of dreams, holding off an impossible battle for as long as he could so she wouldn't have to be alone.

 

"And Killian?"

 

"Hmm?"

 

"I love you."

 

"As do I, my swan."  
  


 

_Vanilla,_ he thought,  _and a million rays of sunlight,_ was what he deemed to be her scent right before submitting into a deep slumber...

 

In the morning, he awoke to no Emma in his arms. Rather she was sitting upright, her hand running through his now dry and silky hair in a daze, as if she'd been like this for hours, staring into a nothingness. He caught her hand and kissed the top, doing his best to smile while preparing himself for whatever torment he was about to discover in her gaze for the short time he'd been away. She blinked, shaking her head slightly and squinting at the wall in confusion, as if whatever soul had been there just now had disappeared and she was distressed as to why. His eyes searched her face, craving to understand and bring her back to him. After a minute though, Emma just leaned down and kissed him good morning, but when she pulled back she was lost again and wore an irritated expression to whoever was calling her.

 

Killian cupped her cheek, letting her loose curls curtain him. "We will get through this, Emma. We will find Merlin. Together. You will be rid of the demons that posses you, I swear it."

 

That was the truth.

 

And his downfall.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> -I do take requests, so if you feel like you have a really nice song that expresses Emma and Killian, leave me your suggestion in the comments and I will try to do my best to create something out of it. 
> 
> -Thanks for reading!


End file.
